Last month, I had a bit of an identity crisis. I was finally coming to terms with where I am at in life, currently. I realized that all the things that I had strived for in life, I no longer had.
For as long as I can remember, I always went to school and played basketball. Those were the core of my life, and those were the places where I received my affirmation. I was always asked how my grades were or how my performance was in basketball.
Oh, and ALONGSIDE those, I had my faith. Even though I always believed in God and belonged to Him, I never had to solely depend on that alone. I always had those other things to fall back on.
So where do we go from here?
Last month, I was sitting on the balcony in Honduras, when I realized that I had no idea who I was anymore. I was no longer a student— I had graduated. I was no longer an athlete. I didn’t have any of my family or friends there with me that were usually my rock. I was no longer in a relationship. My new environment is constantly changing. So where do I put my identity?
I know the obvious answer, of course. But it’s so much easier said than done. One night, I couldn’t sleep. So I went out to the balcony at 2:00 am, and I just sat in the quiet. I felt the Lord speak so clearly in that moment. He said:
“I just want you to trust me. I have your best interest at heart, I promise. I will turn beauty from the ashes if you’ll let me. You are my beloved & your life will be beautiful in it’s time. In my time. I love you too much to let you suffer forever or settle for what’s not best for you. You are forever my child.
You are mine. That’s all you need to know for now. “
Wow, I am His. I guess that’s something that I knew all along, but I’ve never fully grasped it until now. I’m not going to say that everything automatically was fixed in that moment. However, it gave my jumbled brain peace for the first time in days. Every day since then, I’ve had to choose to be okay with that being my identity. And every day, it gets easier.
I am in a season of waiting, exploration, and growth right now. So, nothing is stable or constant. Except for my God. In that, I can rest. Looking forward, my faith will be the FOUNDATION, and whatever the Lord brings me to next will just be added onto that.
Xoxo,
B
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